The Man Who Knows Everyone
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No drama, boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,”
Dave says.”Biden,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington.” And off they go.
At the White House, Biden spots Dave on the tour and motions to him and his boss saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but let’s get together soon and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. “Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He then disappears into the crowd.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns to the Square, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?'”