Hello everyone, go ahead and bitch, I deserve it. My last post was 1-1-23, man I sure suck at this. I have been losing momentum ever since I sold the bar. It just was not the same. I was in the bar all day and all night. Working for other people I only worked a couple shifts at best. I want to thank all the bar owners that hired me.  I had a blast working at all the different places. I’m still not sure if I was in demand or just couldn’t hold down a job. I think I liked the Hoop the best. It was 1/2 mile from my house and working for George just makes you want to work harder. But I cannot keep up anymore. My back or sciatic or whatever it is finally kicked my ass completely last year. I really miss bartending, Becker and I have meet people that we will be friends with for life. out of thousands (Maybe More) of you I have met since 2006 I think I had 3 asshole snowmobilers in all those years.. Snowmobilers you are the best. Hard working down to earth people we love all of you. I just want to give a shout out to the Iowa people, you are not Idiots Out Wondering Around. You are some of the nicest, politest  people I have ever met. Illinois people aka Fucking Illinois Bastards,  I tried changing our image around by selling shirts that said it stood for fantastic in bed, man did that ever piss of some of the locals. Minnesota people, you have the reputation of being cheap when it comes to tipping. Man loosing up them purse strings, we work our ass off during snowmobile season.  Not all of you, I have made some good friends that live in Minnesota. And I get it, your pissed your state does not have snowmobile programs so you can ride in your own state. I hole your DNR never does figure out how much money snowmobilers poor into our economy. We love  you Minnesota. Wisconsin people, aka Cheese Heads, your are still pissed that Favre played for Minnesota. also you want the snow we get in the UP.  I has been a blast people, we love all of you and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

This one here, I think I had the most fun with you. Tanya you are nicer than you are pretty. Since Queen Elizabeth died Princess has become the new Queen.  And every time I posted your pic I got a zillion more hits. Buy her a bush light if you see her in your travels.

This is definitely my last post, I’m on a fixed income now. And I just ain’t into it like I used to be.  TomsTrail Report page will still be on Facebook but the web site will be going down. I give up. on Facebook, my dumb ass had to comment on posts (especially political ones) that I thought were outrageous. i will post the IP address of my live camera at Mom’s house (mom passed away last February) but I am not leaving this house. I’ve been watching all of you ride by all winter. And I will continue to do so for years to come hopefully..

There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes like the grooming clubs, chamber members, and local businesses (I’m sorry for those I forgot) most of who DO NOT get paid or own a business up here.   Sitting here I can think of so many pics I would like to post, people I would like to mention and stories I could tell. But Facebook would never load. You can hit me up on messenger, but don’t expect a quick reply, I am not on there much.

I think I keep writing because I don’t want this to end. I have a tear in my eye as I write. From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU.

And if I have offended any of you with this post FUCK YOU you are probably one of the two assholes that came into the bar over the years. And I’m sure I was the third asshole.


Becker and I spent the New Years here at home. It was pretty boring. But boring can be good, When it is boring it means nothing bad is happening and that is a good thing.

I talked to a few riders over the Holidays. Surprisingly I kept hearing conditions were not to bad. Especially if  you get out in the morning. When I was sledding we were never out early in the morning. Unless going back to our cabin at 2:30am counts.

What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The New Year’s Eve cleanup crew.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

The only “homework” you want your dog to chew up is your list of New Year’s resolutions.

What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31? It’s New Year’s, Eve.

30. What compliment did the drink glass give to the champagne on New Year’s Eve? “You’re so bubbly!”

Traffic picker up a lot. Sleds goin g by all the time on the Lake.  Temps are going to be mild for the next few days but we got a lot of snow so conditions should still be good. I’ll make it down to the Hoop to talk to some riders to see how conditions really are  out there.

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”
Frank Sinatra

“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.” George Burns

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked!” Jerry Seinfeld

WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY? I thought the Lake would be buzzing this morning but I haven’t seen a sled go by yet.  We got dumped on big time. The cold snap we had last week will freeze up some of the wet areas but keep a look out, I’m  sure there are still problem areas out there. Warm up coming this week but there is plenty of snow out there. My prediction is good trail and mild temp conditions this week.

Thanks Tim



Holy shit!!!! Got snow. And snow drifts. If you can get here it is probably pretty good riding. It’s supposed to slack off some tomorrow. Merry Christmas Everyone.

A Message from Dr. Phil

It was very difficult to measure the snow this morning with the high winds

I took four measurements and then averaged them.

It is still coming down with an additional 11 inches possible.

Merry Christmas eve.


The Best Jokes About Christmas Traditions

  • What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis!
  • What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
  • What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days.
  • What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “But I don’t like Brussels sprouts!”
  • How does Christmas Day end? With the letter Y!
  • What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
  • Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
  • I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me that nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I bought her nothing.
  • My friend just won the tallest Christmas tree competition. I thought to myself, ‘How can you top that?’
  • A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s complaining of a sore knee. The doctor asked him. “Have you tried icing it?”

Snow storm is on its way. At least that is what we are promised. almost 100 inches already this year. And this week it has been cold. That should help with the wet areas but use caution just in case.  Thanks for the jokes Mike. Speaking of jokes, hey Tanya how is my future father in law doing?

May be an image of tree and text that says '7:10 Snow possible anywhere from 1-180 inches Maybe. Could start at 7,8, 9,10, 11 pm Maybe not til morning. Maybe not at all. Actuallv might rain LIVNFRESH.com Sounds about right! with Pam Lehman. MESSAGE LIVNFRESH.COM 1.6K 94 comments Like Comment Share'


Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.  The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around,  the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “Do you have any rye bread?”
She said,  “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, “I want five loaves.”
She said,  “My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this shit but me.”

Not a lot going on yet.  a good amount of sleds though.  Temps are dropping this week so conditions will only get better.

I still get a lot of people asking about My Tazer Story. I still get a chuckle out of it.





With Becker working nights at the bar I was worried about her safety. So I went to Fred’s Esat Branch Outfitters in Kenton Mi. to see what I could find. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Becker what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Leo looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Leo (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to Becker to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best.

I’m sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and…


I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

· My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I’m still looking for my testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: Becker can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

I’m back, finally everyone is probably saying. I’m going to do the report and keep hosting the cameras for area businesses one more year.  I will try to give you the best info I can but I am going to be limited this year because I am not working anywhere.  My back acted up in February and I’m not right yet. Some may argue I have never been right. I’ll check in at the hoop and try to relay info I get from riders. We had a pretty good start to winter, well kind of anyway. Lots more snow so far compared to the last three years. We haven’t had very cold temps yet to freeze up everything. Hopefully that changes next week. I heard the ice was 5″ on the main lake and 7″ in the bay. There has been people riding the Lake but you wouldn’t catch my fat ass out there yet. My guess is that it is typical early season riding out there. Everyone I talked to said it was worth the trip.

Finally, after two days I figured out how to change my website password because my dumb ass forgot the old one. I guess I better update more often.

Mark I seen your  brother yesterday at da Hoop yesterday. He told me after all these years you are still gay. Or pussy whipped, he wasn’t sure.

We have a good jump on winter, 70 inches of snow already.  We have a few feet on the ground right now. Seen a lot of tracks between Bergland and Ironwood yesterday. I’m done working, my back can’t take it anymore.  I got bugged enough to do the report for one more year.  the biggest request I get is for good joke, not the snow, go figure.


Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, ‘Son, how old are you?’
‘Eight’, the boy replied.
The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’
The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four.”
“Oh, really?” the pharmacist replied with a grin.
“Yes.”  the boy said. “We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to  swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do none of  those.”