How beautiful the first snowfall is each year. Boy what I wouldn’t give to be sitting outside in a hot tube drinking tequila and eating bon-bons with the future ex-wife and my future ex-father inlaw standing outside just waiting for our next desire.

• Q. Why are future ex-father inlaws like diapers? A. They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

Shoutout to future ex-wife, sorry I forgot to put a stamp on the letter containing your child support. Better luck next month.