Trail Report

Talking to riders yesterday trails were not in the best of shape. I thought the groomers would have been all caught up but warmer temps didn’t help condition s much. Mother Nature is turning the temps down now so conditions should improve quickly.

A group of women from Perth, Australia were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?”

All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband – “I love you, Sweetheart.”

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 11 hilarious replies.  If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love.  Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?
   2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
   3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?
   4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
   5. I don’t understand what you mean.
   6. What the hell did you do now?
   7. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need!
   8. Am I dreaming?
   9. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
   10. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.(My personal favorite!)
   11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

Groomers have been out getting the trails back in shape for you to come tear them up again this weekend. see ya soon at Da Hoop.

CONFESSION

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’

The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’

Snow continues to fall, just about everyday we have been receiving a little refresh. Not a lot but it adds up. Trails stayed pretty good over a fairly busy weekend. Hats off to the Groomers and Mother Nature.

This old fellow in the big cowboy hat got a standing ovation for his statement! The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative  to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.  It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators,  the Sierra Club had a “more humane” solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive.  The males would then be castrated and let loose again.  This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service.  All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, “Son, I don’t think you understand our problem here.  These coyotes ain’t fuckin’ our sheep, they’re eatin’ ’em!”

A few more inches of snow yesterday, excellent conditions out there.

Shout out to Dan, don’t worry about working on your goals, Bruce and Dean are up here working on them for you. Except when they are out enjoying the trails.

Couple in their ninetiesare both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember..

Snow again. White out on the Lake right now.

The Polite Way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?’
Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher responded by saying:
‘That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’
Sherman said :’I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’
‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?’
Johnny said: ‘I would say: May I please be excused for a moment? I have to go and shake hands with a very dear friend of mine that has been hanging around; i hope to introduce you to him after dinner.’
The teacher fainted.

Still getting snow, still getting cold. What are you waiting for?

Q: Why are polaris snowmobiles and babies alike.
A: They both love rattles.

Q: How do you get a polaris rider exited.
A: Tell them their sled is ready for pickup at the repair shop.

Q: Why did the ski doo burn its belt up.
A: From towing 7 polaris sleds at one time.

Q: How do you make a polaris go fast.
A: Tow it behind a ski doo.

Q. How Do You Make a Polaris rider happy?
A. slip an arctic cat or ski doo engine under his hood, and switch suspension from bogie wheels to some suspension that real men use!

Q:What do you call a polaris on a lake?
A: A summer submarine

Q: What do you call a polaris that runs.
A: A mirical

Q: Why do people buy polaris snowmobiles.
A: It gives them an excuse to stay in the house.

Q: What do you call a Polaris on the trail
A: An obstical

Q:what do you call 100 polaris snowmobiles and owners stranded on the ice in march?
A: A reproduction of the titanic

Q:What is a polaris snowmobile owners favorite season?
A: Summer then they dont have to work on the sled

Snow again yesterday, not much you say? A couple inches a day is better than getting dumped on all at once. With the exception of trail 8 between Bergland and Ewen we have plenty of snow on the trails, a refresh of a few inches a day right now is for the best. Get your asses up here, conditions are great.

HERE’S A GOOD BUNCH OF ANSWERS TO START THE NEW YEAR OFF. ENJOY

Let’s Piss Off Everyone and give Political correctness a day off:

I’d just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, an ear of corn and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and told me, ‘I’ve not eaten for two days.’I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power.

A fat girl served me in McDonald’s at lunchtime. She said ‘sorry about the wait’. I said, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll find a way to lose it eventually.’

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said ‘Any Change?’I said, ‘Nope, you’re still black.’

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, ‘fat chance,’ with a face like that!

A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks ‘What’s wrong, lad?’ The boy says ‘Me uncle died this morning.’ ‘Oh bejaysus,’ the man says. ‘Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?’ The boy replies, ‘No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.’

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself… ‘I’m going to take that.’

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, ‘where am I’? The farmer looks back up and shouts back, ‘You’re in a basket you dumb ass’!

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer… hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently “Blacks” and “Mexicans” were NOT the correct answers.

I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

Awesome football games last weekend. Great games even though your team may not have won. I am rooting for the Rams because of Stafford. Trails are great, not much more I can say. All Gogebic’s groomers are up and running the last I heard.  Even when they had a couple groomers down no one was complaining.  Thanks to North Country Club out of Konteka for helping us out. Our groomers rock. We keep getting a few inches every day or two to keep the trails fresh. Awesome conditions.

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup.

If you see a Packer fan today give them a hug. They are going to need it. What’s not disappointing up here are the trails. Riders are reporting excellent conditions.

An old man is stuck in the middle of a freezing blizzard.

I been behind a bit.  Had a bad ass cold for about a week.

The Jewish Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank, in one corner of the background he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph, right into the open window.

BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you, the old woman says. “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,                                                       

“I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”