Lost and Found

OK so I miss placed the power cord for my laptop. Becker told me to look where I used it last. If I remembered where I used it last it wouldn’t be lost would it?

        Getting older is…
1.  My goal for 2018 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15  to go.
2.  Ate salad for dinner …mostly croutons and tomatoes … really just one big, round crouton covered with      tomato sauce …   and cheese… Okay, FINE, it  was a pizza… I ate a pizza!

3.  How to prepare Tofu in two easy steps:
     1.  Throw it in the trash.
     2.  Grill some meat.

4.  I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5.  I don’t mean to brag but… I finished my 14-days of diet food in 3 hours and  20 minutes.

6.  A recent  study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

7.  Kids today don’t know how easy they have it… when I was young, I had to walk through 9 feet of shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8.   Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9.   Remember back when we were kids, and every time it was below zero outside, they closed school?  Me neither.

10.  I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented……I forgot where I was going with this.

11.  I love being over 50; I learn something new every day… and forget 5 others.

12.  A thief broke into my house last night, and started searching for money.  I got up, and searched with him.

13.  My dentist told me I need a Crown… I said, “You bet,  pour mine over the rocks.”

14.  I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead, and call it a day.

PS:  Sunday, March 13, 2016 was Daylight Savings Time… hope you didn’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds!

“Just remember, once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.”